It is physically and mentally challenging to get a small child in the house. It is very demanding to the parents. Maybe there is too little energy left to make sex life work again?
The post-natal period
It is a challenge to be novice parents. It places heavy demands on your mental and physical capacities. Most parents with a baby in the house are incredibly tired. It is natural and does not have to be a problem.
But the upheavals and fatigue can also be complementary to the couple. You can no longer focus on each others. Maybe you are easily upset. And there is perhaps not the extra energy needed to resume your sex life. This is a problem for many couples with children.
Sex life after birth
Some couples resume their sex life shortly after their child has been born. Others may not have a sex life for the first six months to a year. It is not necessarily a problem, provided you agree on it. But if you disagree, it may put a great strain on your relationship.
Sleep Shortage
Fatigue is a major reason why couples may lose the desire for sex. It is important to talk about the problem. And remember that lack of sex drive is not the same as lack of desire for love and for being together. Maybe you can get help to do some practical things, and in this way get more time and energy for each others? Discuss your problem with the infant nurse. Maybe she can give you advice and guidance.
Uncomfortable or painful intercourse
Many women have reduced moisture in the vagina in the first months after birth. It is not an indication that she has no sex drive. It is a result of hormone changes in the body. Some women experience dryness of the vagina during all of the breast-feeding period. It may help to use sliding cream, if you have a problem with dryness.
If you have been stitched after having been cut or as a result of a tear during birth, the injuries will normally heal after 10-12 days. Yet some women feel pain or discomfort for some time. It may be because of fear and therefore the muscles around the vagina are tense. But it can also be soreness from the stitches. If the pain does not disappear by itself, you should go to the doctor. There is no reason to suffer in silence.
Some women have minor bleedings perhaps up to 6-8 weeks after giving birth. Bleeding is not a reason why you should abstain from intercourse.
The woman's vagina will perhaps not feel as close around the penis as it did before. Training of the muscles in the pelvic bottom can eliminate this problem.
Some couples are troubled by "air" in the vagina during intercourse. That will also gradually disappear as the bottom basin is re-trained.
Sex during the breast-feeding period
Some women feel uncomfortable, if the breasts leave milk during intercourse. When breast-feeding is well under way, the milk flow will decrease. But milk will occur almost always during orgasm. At the beginning of the breast-feeding period nipples can be sore, and some women do not like to be touched on the breasts while breast-feeding.
On the other hand, some women actually get sex drive when they are breast-feeding. Some feel ashamed of that, but for no reason. It’s a common feeling.
Contraception
Breastfeeding does not protect against pregnancy. If you have no desire to get pregnant again right away, you must remember to use contraception. It’s a good idea to use a condom during this period.
Medical Examination
The woman offered a gynaecological examination two months after birth. The doctor examines the woman's abdomen. It is also a good idea to talk to your doctor about contraception.
The Danish version of this article was written by
the Association “Sex and Society”
